Tonight I have decided to procrastinate, and not do homework. :)

So here I am, updating my blog. I find it funny that I actually have to choose to not do what I had planned in order to blog these days. (hehe)

My heart is overwhelmed right now... but not in a bad way. I am learning to love deeply, and it isn't as easy as it seems sometimes. What would happen if we just took the time to listen to the people who annoy us the most? That when we see them, our pride builds up, but we accuse them of being the boastful ones. In part, this might be true. But my question to you would be,...

"What is going on in the heavenlies, while you're busy being 'right'?"
This question was proposed in a session on spiritual warfare I was listening to, and it made me cringe. Conviction, anyone?

This weekend I had the opportunity to make amends. It was amazing. When we see potential in the very people who maybe are the most unlikely to receive encouragement from anyone else, it opens doors for us to speak into their lives. Things that we see, good and bad. Thank you, Jesus. You are the perfect example. Help me to continue to see potential in all of those that I encounter. You LOVE them.

speaking of those you care for...


Sometimes I cannot fathom how you can grow to love someone so much after only knowing them for 3 months. A risk, no telling where our lives after this year will take us... but these women above are changing me. Well, partly, not completely. They are bringing out things on the inside of me that I never dared to show to many other people. They are the kind of friends that make life so much more enjoyable... I feel like my heart is beating for the first time in a while.

I spent so much time and energy trying to be something that I wasn't. It feels so good to be loved and enjoyed for who I am becoming.



Turning the page, the Lord is blessing me immensely right now. I prayed for a laptop, and I am now getting one. I'm sure Bethany will be happy that I won't be borrowing her laptop anymore... which is what I am using right now to type this blog. :-)

All in all, life is beautiful.

changes.

Well, it has been entirely too long since I have written a blog. So, what's new? Let me see…

I graduated from my internship at Teen Mania, it is pretty surreal how fast it came and went. Now I'm in my second year here and I am leading and discipling ten wonderful young ladies. Natalie, Charlie, Iliana, Shanese, Teresa, Leah, Natali, Ashley, Christie, and Nikki.

My new roommates: oh man, I am so thankful for them!I couldn't have asked for a better group of fellow Core Advisors... Sonia is from Poland. Krystal is from Canada. And Bethany is from Cali. After a long day with all of the demands it may entail, they are my breath of fresh air.

I am currently attending Tyler Junior College (TJC) as well as doing a program called "Intensive Communications Training" (ICT) which focuses on pubic speaking, counseling, & writing. I just got a job at my home church here in Texas as the curriculum manager for Sunday school. I also teach a class for the 1 & 2 yr olds, which is so precious. The ones who can talk refer to me as Miss Hannah. Or teacher. (hehe)

Life is pretty hectic right now. I'm either meeting with my girls, in class, or I've got my nose in a book. I'm pretty confident that by the end of the year I will be an expert at time management. ;-)

So yah, that's my update. I am loving life here in Texas… and in the midst of my new chaos, it is beauty.

update, I suppose.

oh man, it has been so long since I've written on here. So hmm... what is new?

Well, I have about 4 1/2 weeks left until I head back to California for Autie & Tim's wedding. (ahhh!) Then I'll fly back to Texas with the fam, and I'll graduate from my internship. *woo hoo!*

Soon I will have different roommates, and I will be in charge of 13 girls of my own. Our name will be Steadfast. Instead of going to Core every week, I will be teaching it. I feel like I still have so much to learn before I lead these girls... it is a little nerve-racking.

Campus is a little hectic, with missionaries coming and going on their trips. I'm pretty positive that this entire week I'll be working overtime for registration.

I'm still trying to figure everything out for my classes with TJC, as well as how I'm going to survive next year financially. haha. oh boy.

On a deeper level, the Lord is showing me so much. healings. signs. wonders. visions & dreams. He wants to take us so much further than just knowing the Bible stories and the intellectual truths. I'm so hungry, and He is satisfying.

Well, that's a brief update.

My Best Friend...

Her name is Autumn, and she is getting married! I am beyond excited. It's fun to look back at how our friendship has bloomed; oh, the things we've been through! I don't think I could even begin to put into words the way she has blessed me life. You know, looking back on it, we never really had any big fights, which is extremely rare for people who are this close. (hehe.) I don't sit there and laugh at all the silly fights we used to have... they never really happened. Not saying our friendship has been perfect, but it definitely has been more of a blessing than I think I've ever experienced. I would give anything for this woman. She is constantly challenging me in the word and to go deeper with the Lord. As we continue this beautiful journey of friendship... I look forward to many many more hours spent in coffee shops, random picnics, going to the lake, and now hearing about wonderful married life. *woo hoo!*

Oh, the EMOTION He feels for me.

On February 18th & 19th of 2006, my life was changed forever. This is my second year as a survivor of rape. Of betrayal, of abuse. This year there has been full of so much healing. Yet healing is a process, and I'm definitely not finished yet.

This week has been complete and utter chaos. One moment I'm fine, and the next I'm crying uncontrollably. Not only are my emotions going crazy, but I've been fighting anxiety attacks almost every day while trying to do my job at my ministry placement and just get through my classes.

I really had myself fooled, thinking I was going to be just fine when this week rolled around; completely "emotional break-down free". Oh, how I was wrong. I thought since the Lord had given me revelation about forgiveness for this man that I was free of these feelings. But the truth is, there is still so much more God is beginning to show me... what a mess my heart truly is. And for the first time, I'm not so uneasy. I've been feeling frustrated about all of these emotions, knowing that my anger towards this man is sin. But there is something new I have discovered: I can come with confidence into the presence of God, even in the midst of my sin. God loves interaction with our hearts. Although this does not give us a right to justify sin, he loves our imperfect state so that he can be our righteousness.

Though I am dark, you say I am lovely. Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed you and somehow my weak love... it has stolen away your heart...

"He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me." - Ps. 18:19

"Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love." - Micah 7:18

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

anger and frustration will fade... there I will find you, Jesus.
forgiveness and peace will come... in that place I will experience more of the fullness.


I'll take my cold, cold heart
I'll take my unrenowned mind
I'll take Your Word in my hand
And I'll give You time, to come and melt…me

I can't even love You unless You call my name
I can't even worship unless You anoint my heart, God
I can't even want You unless You want me first
Come fan the flame, oh oh come fan the flame

Do what only You can do - Come fan the flame

Just let my heart be alive
Let me be living deep, deep on the inside

Get-away Weekend...

This weekend was so relaxing! Me and my core spent friday-sunday in Dallas. We stayed with Kindra, Stephanie's cousin, which was a complete blessing. My new schedule for work seems to leave me no free time to spend time with my Core/roommates during the week, so it was really nice to get away for a few days. Kindra owns a dance studio so we had the chance to take a dance class on Saturday! We learned how to Swing, Tango, and do the "Maranga" (some Latin dance?). It was so great to see our Januaries begin to come out of their 'shells' and start feeling comfortable with the rest of us. After our dance classes we went shopping which was actually pretty humorous. The girls in my core are all very diverse which made it interesting to see what stores each person wanted to go into, and the variety of things they came out with. haha. The rest of our weekend consisted of cooking contests, American Idol marathons, and sleeping in. Sometimes taking the time to just be completely unproductive is needed and, well,... it is just a wonderful thing. hehe. :-)