Ignorance is bliss? hmm...

hahahahaha. HA. HA.

okay, just had to get that out. Isn't it funny how somehow we convince ourselves that we have it all figured out; who we're going to be, what kind of friends we'll have, what kind of college we will go to, what career we want, etc. etc. Pretty much we plan out our lives with certain expectations and relationships. The main reason I laugh is because anything & everything I ever expected was going to happen has now been proven wrong over the last 6 months.

oh, ignorance is bliss, is it? haha. well for me, it is complete torture. I have been planning my own future since I was 8 years old. At that age you don't even think about consulting the Lord about your plans, oh how wrong we are!

He will take us to absolutely nothing to so we can realize that He is everything. But when we are distracted and when we have this delusion of other lovers, and it IS a delusion.

We don't realize that God is everything. He wants to get us in the place where HE is everything, he wants to get us so stuck. Its going to be miserable. that vast ocean of desire. every direction you try to go is going to come up short. that feeling of "i can't get satisfied" ...

disillusionment, in that place, it is your gift. The fact that you are so disillusioned with this life is your gift. in that place, you will say, "I will go and I will return to my first love". for it was better to walk with God, and to have a hope and a future than have all my future look like vanity of vanities. this is his strategy: to awaken a stiff-necked people. to allure His bride: to draw us to Himself.

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there." - Hosea 2:14

Jesus, I know that you are calling me to great things; far greater than anything I had planned. I know that I need to just simply trust. This is so big, Lord. Too often I question you, and how you could call me to something so unexpected. But today instead of questioning how I am going to accomplish these things, I am simply in awe. Draw me and I will run after you, O God.